going back...

I'm going back to Korea soon... With a pinch of luck I'll be there in early January or early February but it won't be far away. In all honest, once I'm there... I don't know if I'll ever want to go home.
Korea was magic when I was there in 2010 and most of 2011... it was so different to the monotony of home... the buzzing neon signs... the tall green mountains... the beautiful girls.. the fiery food. I enjoyed every second of it, I savoured every moment... Never in my life was I happier, never in my life did I feel so good. I made wonderful friends with Koreans and foreigners alike, I started to get pretty good at the language and I was running three times a week.

Coming home.. has just confirmed my worst fears.... recession, depression, the mundane and the redundant. The fucking television that just goes on and on and on and on and on. The boring, miserable people who speak in cliche's and retired old turns of phrase. Ask them about meaning and they will look non plussed. Ask them how they are feeling after a night of drinking and their eyes light up. It's sad miserable place with nothing to do... most nights I spend in front of my laptop chewing my fingers. Telling disinterested colleagues about Korea. Only my family and friends I care about it.

Is living in Korea just putting off reality? When I moan about England am I simply throwing my hands in the air about the cards I was dealt or drew for myself ?
Alot of people in Korea (foreigners) think of Korea as a refuge point, a place where those who can't or won't fit in back home are settled. Korea is a place to run to for some folks. I met some really cool people in Korea first time round, there were some wall flowers, party animals too. There are also people in Korea who really seem like they couldn't fit in anywhere, obnoxious, oafish people that bothered everyone, even well meaning, ultra polite koreans.

I don't know where I fit in with it all and I don't know if I'm running away from somewhere or running too somewhere. I feel like I'm made to feel guilty because I feel happy. An easy life is a false life. I don't know why I feel like that, in Korea I didn't borrow any money. I didn't get a loan... I got a free apartment but that is what was offered by my work. I taught kids (which I loved) and I worked very hard for 5 days a week. It still feels like cheating.

It feels like cheating because when I watch the news I watch my country creaking over the edge, I see unemployment figures soaring and I know that with a degree and a clean criminal record, I can escape the monotony and the prospect of a painful jobless adulthood.

Maybe it's because I dont value my degree or because I don't think it's much of a challenge living on planet mars.

I want to go back to Korea and I want to do the best possible job I can.
I want to make money and save money.
I want to be there for a long time and I want to feel good about it.